12 tips for surviving the holiday season:
1. Mistletoe. Stay away from it & you’ll avoid close to 80% of all holiday awkwardness.
2. Bring booze to a party. The party can start once you arrive.
3. Drink a glass of water for every boozy drink you drink. You just have to.
4. When your mother asks you AGAIN when you’re having another baby, distract her with booze.
5. Drink booze when you find out you did not get a Christmas bonus.
6. If you DO get a Christmas bonus, buy a nice bottle of booze. Buy one for your boss too. You both deserve it.
7. Gift cards are awesome. Whoever said they weren’t thoughtful, clearly doesn’t get it.
8. If you ate too many cookies don’t feel bad. Just eat salad for the next few meals. Also, inhale kale.
9. Keep tabs on who’s around you when you open presents. This is important information for future re-gifting.
10. If you plan on wearing an ironic/bedazzled Christmas sweater, avoid open flames.
11. Whenever there’s awkwardness in a conversation, blurt out the word YULE LOG.
12. Host a Christmas party and make Maple Bourbon Cider. Make some cheese straws while you’re at it.
Now that you have some tips, let’s talk about #12. This drink is aces! Pleasantly strong, not too sweet & a bit masculine with a touch of femininity (did I really just say that?). It will put hair on your chest and get you ready to ask your boss for a raise. Just kidding! Sorta. If it’s too strong, just add more cider. I may have done that. Actually, yeah I did. It’s super good!
Let’s get this party started!
So you gather your ingredients…
Check out the bourbon inventory! Niiiiiice.
Put some ice into a shaker, add some lemon juice, some cider…
Oh look. A little bit of maple syrup! I might have photo-shopped one of my chipped nails in this photo.
It’s definitely not the pointer. That one could use a little work.
Put the lid on. Secure it. ALWAYS SECURE IT. Now shake!
A dash of cayenne if you’re feeling spicy. Stir it into the drink. Your lips will thank you.
And we’re ready!
Let’s go attack holiday awkwardness now!
Maple Bourbon Cider
Makes 2 drinks
(recipe adapted from Everyday Food Magazine)
- 3 oz. bourbon
- 2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
- 1 tablespoon maple syrup
- 1/2 cup apple cider
- cayenne pepper (totally optional)
- lemon slices for garnish
Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and add bourbon, lemon juice, maple syrup and apple cider. Put the lid on and shake vigorously. Strain into glasses and top each with a pinch of cayenne pepper. Add a lemon slice for garnish.