I really wish I could tell you that I don’t have a potty mouth and a penchant for bathroom humor. Truth is…I do!! Even as a parent, I still can’t help myself. The fact that my son says “cock” instead of “clock” makes me giggle something fierce.
“Mama? I see a big COCK! See it!? Big COCK!” I just turn my head and bury my face in my hands to muffle the giggles. Inside my head, there’s a 13 year old boy who loves to be indulged with dick & fart jokes. There I said it. I am not ashamed!! I suppose that’s what happens when you grow up with two older brothers…
After making a huge batch of these SPICED COCKTAIL NUTS, Casey and I stood in the kitchen tossing NUT innuendos back and forth. We simply cannot pass up a good NUT joke. Honestly, who can?
“Here! Taste my nuts!!”
“How many nuts can you fit in your mouth?”
So while I was gobbling these nuts, I thought “DANG! These NUTS are spicy! I’m not sure if I like how spicy these NUTS are. But for some reason I can’t stop eating deez NUTS!” And perhaps if you give these NUTS a try, you might find yourself scarfing down NUTS like there’s no tomorrow. They are pretty addictive and you’ll probably grab handfuls of NUTS before you decide it’s time to stop!! They will be great for holiday parties coming up! A crass NUT joke is the perfect way to break the ice with some random person at your friend’s party! If it doesn’t go well, you’ll know they’ve got an anemic sense of humor. Move onto the next victim!
Hey! Check out my NUT sack!
(That was a photo request from Casey)
Go ahead, laugh!
So yeah if you like spicy things AND NUTS, make yourself a batch!
Check out my array of nuts! Peanuts, walnuts, cashews & almonds.
Corn syrup, cayenne pepper, salt, pepper, thyme & rosemary.
Chop up those herbs!
All of the fun spicy things go into a bowl for you to mix!
Start tossing YOUR NUTS in & saturate YOUR NUTS in spice.
Spread YOUR NUTS on a parchment lined cookie sheet.
Put YOUR NUTS in the oven and get them all hot & browned.
MMMMMMMMmmmm Look at YOUR HOT NUTS!
Pack some of YOUR NUTS away & put some in a bowl.
Now pig out on YOUR NUTS.
Go ahead, channel your inner 13 year old boy. I obviously did.
Spiced Cocktail Nuts
(adapted from the Tartine Cookbook)
- 3 sprigs fresh thyme
- 2 inch sprig fresh rosemary
- 2 tablespoons light corn syrup
- 1 tablespoon, plus 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
- 1 tablespoon kosher salt
- 1 teaspoon black pepper
- 1 cup raw almonds
- 1 cup raw cashews
- 4 1/2 cups raw peanuts
- 1 cup chopped raw walnuts
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper & set aside.
Pick the leaves from the thyme & rosemary and chop coarsely. In a mixing bowl, combine thyme, rosemary, cayenne pepper, corn syrup, salt & black pepper and mix well. Add all the nuts to the bowl and mix thoroughly with your hands or wooden spoon.
Spread the nuts evenly on the prepared baking sheet. Roast, stirring a few times with a wooden spoon to ensure the nuts color evenly, until they are fragrant and rich brown- about 15 minutes. Let cool completely. The nuts will keep in an airtight container in a cool, dry place for up to 2 weeks.
-The corn syrup acts as a binding agent for the nuts. It does NOT make the nuts sweet. It might be nice to add a little brown sugar to the mix to balance out the spicy cayenne pepper! I’m gonna try that out next batch!
-If you don’t like one of these nuts in the recipe, omit it! Just beef up the amount of another nut!
-Not all of my nuts were RAW. Some of them were already roasted. Just keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t burn! Mine tasted perfect.