Spiced Cocktail Nuts

SPICY COCKTAIL NUTS!

I really wish I could tell you that I don’t have a potty mouth and a penchant for bathroom humor. Truth is…I do!!  Even as a parent, I still can’t help myself. The fact that my son says “cock” instead of “clock” makes me giggle something fierce.

Mama? I see a big COCK! See it!? Big COCK!” I just turn my head and bury my face in my hands to muffle the giggles. Inside my head, there’s a 13 year old boy who loves to be indulged with dick & fart jokes. There I said it. I am not ashamed!! I suppose that’s what happens when you grow up with two older brothers…

After making a huge batch of these SPICED COCKTAIL NUTS, Casey and I stood in the kitchen tossing NUT innuendos back and forth. We simply cannot pass up a good NUT joke. Honestly, who can?

“Here! Taste my nuts!!”

“How many nuts can you fit in your mouth?”

So while I was gobbling these nuts, I thought “DANG! These NUTS are spicy! I’m not sure if I like how spicy these NUTS are. But for some reason I can’t stop eating deez NUTS!” And perhaps if you give these NUTS a try, you might find yourself scarfing down NUTS like there’s no tomorrow. They are pretty addictive and you’ll probably grab handfuls of NUTS before you decide it’s time to stop!! They will be great for holiday parties coming up! A crass NUT joke is the perfect way to break the ice with some random person at your friend’s party! If it doesn’t go well, you’ll know they’ve got an anemic sense of humor. Move onto the next victim!

Hey! Check out my NUT sack!

oh yes i did

(That was a photo request from Casey)

Go ahead, laugh!

So yeah if you like spicy things AND NUTS, make yourself a batch!

Check out my array of nuts! Peanuts, walnuts, cashews & almonds.

NUTS

Corn syrup, cayenne pepper, salt, pepper, thyme & rosemary.

ingredient party

Chop up those herbs!

thyme & rosemary

All of the fun spicy things go into a bowl for you to mix!

stirrage

Start tossing YOUR NUTS in & saturate YOUR NUTS in spice.

nut stirring

Spread YOUR NUTS on a parchment lined cookie sheet.

spreading...

Put YOUR NUTS in the oven and get them all hot & browned.

into the oven...

MMMMMMMMmmmm Look at YOUR HOT NUTS!

nut blur

Pack some of YOUR NUTS away & put some in a bowl.

spicy cocktail nuts

Now pig out on YOUR NUTS.

Go ahead, channel your inner 13 year old boy. I obviously did.

Spiced Cocktail Nuts

(adapted from the Tartine Cookbook)

  • 3 sprigs fresh thyme
  • 2 inch sprig fresh rosemary
  • 2 tablespoons light corn syrup
  • 1 tablespoon, plus 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • 1 tablespoon kosher salt
  • 1 teaspoon black pepper
  • 1 cup raw almonds
  • 1 cup raw cashews
  • 4 1/2 cups raw peanuts
  • 1 cup chopped raw walnuts

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper & set aside.

Pick the leaves from the thyme & rosemary and chop coarsely. In a mixing bowl, combine thyme, rosemary, cayenne pepper, corn syrup, salt & black pepper and mix well. Add all the nuts to the bowl and mix thoroughly with your hands or wooden spoon.

Spread the nuts evenly on the prepared baking sheet. Roast, stirring a few times with a wooden spoon to ensure the nuts color evenly, until they are fragrant and rich brown- about 15 minutes. Let cool completely. The nuts will keep in an airtight container in a cool, dry place for up to 2 weeks.

Shutterbean notes:

-The corn syrup acts as a binding agent for the nuts. It does NOT make the nuts sweet. It might be nice to add a little brown sugar to the mix to balance out the spicy cayenne pepper! I’m gonna try that out next batch!

-If you don’t like one of these nuts in the recipe, omit it! Just beef up the amount of another nut!

-Not all of my nuts were RAW. Some of them were already roasted. Just keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t burn! Mine tasted perfect.

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36 Comments

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  • September 18, 2010

    i need to make THESE NUTS! oh and this what penelope has to look forward too…she has two older brothers!!

  • Helen
    September 18, 2010

    thank you for today’s comic relief! you are too funny– i enjoy the potty humor as well, although i don’t have any brothers!

    • September 18, 2010

      Yay! Hooray for potty humor!

  • September 18, 2010

    LOL! Hehe, nut sack… I too am an immature 13 year old boy inside, and I’m not ashamed to admit it! One of the things that attracted me to my husband was the fact that he could burp my name. No joke. Makes me giggle every time he does it.

    This post reminds me of the schwetty balls skit on SNL. “Your Schwetty balls are so tender and moist!”

    And btw, your nut sack looks awesome. That nutty topping recipe you posted a few months ago? Yeah, I make that like once a week, it’s so good. I will be trying this as well!

    • September 18, 2010

      Omg- I totally love that segment. My friend and I are always talking about our schwetty balls! And oh god YES! I love that nutty topping. I’m about to make some soon just so I can eat the whole batch in my bathrobe on the couch! ;)

  • September 18, 2010

    My boyfriend will forever be a 13-year-old boy inside. Lucky for him, so will I. He likes when I make him NUT bars for breakfast. I’ll have him taste your nuts to see which he prefers. Thanks for the inspiration and your general awesomeness.

    • September 18, 2010

      Thanks Sarah!! Tell me more about your NUT bars!! I’m intrigued….

  • September 18, 2010

    Oh…I knew there was a reason we’re friends!

    I just handed Rama some cashews this morning as a tide-us-over-we-wait-for-brunch snack, and I couldn’t help but giggle when I asked if he wanted some nuts. I am 12.
    (I also have two big brothers. Is that why?)

    I have a similar recipe that I’ve been dying to try. It’s similar but looks less spicy:

    1 1/4 pounds cashew nuts
    2 tablespoons coarsely chopped fresh rosemary leaves
    1/2 teaspoon cayenne
    2 teaspoons dark brown sugar
    2 teaspoons kosher salt
    1 tablespoon melted butter

    A friend made them for a party and Rama couldn’t stop stuffing them in his mouth. Heh.

    • September 18, 2010

      oh wow! I like the idea of dark brown sugar in there!
      Morning bun!

  • September 18, 2010

    I like the look of those nuts. Hawt.

    Hehe, I’m totally 13, too. Glad you posted this!

    • September 18, 2010

      yah girl! Hawt nuts!

  • September 18, 2010

    Hi, I’d love to get my hands on that nut sack! Send me one. K, thanks.

    HAHAHA. Seriously, get out of my head lady, I’ve been eyeing this Tartine recipe (and the caramel one at the back) yesterday. I’m glad it turned out great. Mmm…spicy nuts.

    • September 18, 2010

      We are totally sharing the same brain! What’s next for us, friend???!

  • September 18, 2010

    Lovely photos. Thank you for the inspiration!

    Jun

  • September 18, 2010

    Now I have “Chocolate Salty Balls” stuck in my head. : x

  • September 18, 2010

    I was wondering… Could you substitute melted butter for the corn syrup here? I happen to have a lot of butter in my fridge (college student, just now in a dorm with a full kitchen) and buying corn syrup just for this recipe seems a little… not so great right now. Not to mention the taste of butter is holy and amazing. Is this an acceptable substitute?

    • September 18, 2010

      It should work, Nia!! You just need something that will help the spices stick to the nuts!

  • September 18, 2010

    Ha, Ha. Love. I do believe blow jobs came up, mm, about 10 minutes into lunch yesterday :)
    Thank god we don’t take ourselves too seriously. That would suck.

  • September 19, 2010

    I feel like I’m trapped in an SNL sketch with those two public radio girls. Ugh – can’t remember the name of the sketch! LOL You know the one?

    These really do look delish though. I just looked at some chili lime almonds at the store and didn’t buy them cause I thought, “Hey, I could just make those.” : ) And then you went and bumped it up and made them even better!

  • Amanda Georges
    September 19, 2010

    I just recently found your blog…and I am in love! Everything you put on here I want to try! And Deez NUTS are no different! And yes, growing up with all brothers does make you alil “different”. I have 3 brothers and I have a mouth of a sailor and my mind in the gutter most of the time. I cant help it! I think it makes me appreciate my 5 year old son that much more!!

  • September 19, 2010

    HAHA! When I was reading your directions, I thought they said to “get them all hot and bothered” in the oven. I love how your nut sack glistens!

    btw, have you seen the Axe Clean Your Balls commercial? A friend told me about it recently, and I just looked it up on youtube…quite impressive!

    • September 19, 2010

      I have!! That commercial is INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How do they get away with that?! I should make it say get them all hot and bothered! snort!

  • September 19, 2010

    this totally has me in the mood for some nuts.

  • September 19, 2010

    I finally had a chance to check out your blog – I love it! Love the photos, the humor, everything!

  • September 20, 2010

    Having spent some time with you, I can truly appreciate this post. You totally crack me up. I like to make spice nuts during the holidays and now I will think of you every time I do!

  • September 20, 2010

    your NUTSACK looks delicious. thank you for a great laugh today!

  • September 20, 2010

    I recently came across your blog and love love love it! This post has me cracking up! I have two boys so you know there’s a whole lot of potty talk in this house…I often find myself completely participating, hee hee. :)

    Thanks for the recipe…can’t wait to try it out!

  • September 20, 2010

    This is hilarious, thanks for the laugh. Despite the fact that my husband is 30-something, he’s really still a 12 year old with a 7th grade sense of humor. I’m always telling him to knock it off, but after reading this I think maybe I should lighten up a bit!

  • September 20, 2010

    Nut sack! Nut sack!

  • September 21, 2010

    This Entry had me cracking up! Glad I am not the only one who enjoys silly nut humor.

    • September 22, 2010

      thank god people like potty humor too! ;)

  • September 21, 2010

    I like to lick the salt off the nuts before I masticate them.

  • Eljay
    September 24, 2010

    Damn those nuts look delicious! And you, m darling, are just the funniest girl! Love love love the blog, I’ve been on it every second day since I discovered it, best food/life blog going! I’m spreading the word and building up your fanbase in Ireland :)
    xx LJ

  • Lindsey
    September 24, 2010

    When my daughter was younger, she had the same clock/cock issue. Made for some interesting conversations when she was telling everyone about grandpa’s clock.

    • September 25, 2010

      omg *snort* love it.

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